Thursday, February 19, 2009

The Straight and Narrow

I'm straight, but I don't advertise it. In fact, I am aggressively private about my love life. I feel like it's no one's business but my own, but unfortunately, this doesn't always translate well with a certain sect of my biological relations. They're conservative Republicans, you see, and although I love them dearly despite their conserviosity, it genuinely pisses me off when I have to explicitly state that I am indeed not a Big Bad Lesbian. Incidentally, this relates to Wittig's The Straight Mind. Wittig states:

"For heterosexual society is the society which not only oppresses lesbians and gay men, it oppresses many different/others, it oppresses all women and many categories of men, all those who are in the position of the dominated."

Hey wow, I am oppressed for being straight! Now, I'm not suggesting that I am oppressed to the same extent as lesbians or bisexual women. I'm simply stating that I'm oppressed because I refuse to subscribe to touchy-feely heterosexual norms. I refuse to enter a relationship unless I am absolutely certain that it would be egalitarian. Basically, I'm oppressed because I don't flaunt my heterosexuality. I'm not attracted to muscular Arnold Schwarzenegger-esque men; I think intellectual nerds in sweater vests are damn sexy. But, that's a different story.

A certain relation once asked me what my major was. When I replied, "English and Women's Studies," I received what only can be described as the stink eye. Rather than asking me what exactly Women's Studies was, he snidely asked me what exactly I'd be doing with those majors. When I replied that I'm definitely going for a Master's and (hopefully!) a Doctorate, I was then lectured on when and when not to have my children. According to this relative, I should definitely wait to reproduce until after my Master's, but because Doctoral degrees take several years, I could have them during that time. Because marriage is the only option for a woman, and as such, I should care more about my biological clock than my education. After all, my linguistic prowess and feminist inquiry will be utterly useless when pitted against The Infant.

And the heteronormative fun doesn't stop there. Because I am a feminist and believe that women are indeed people and NOT doormats, my sexuality is often called into question. As if wanting equal pay for equal work was a bad thing. Never being in a serious relationship has also raised some serious suspicions. Of course, they're too polite to boldly come out and ask me which gender I am sexually attracted to, so as an alternative, they backhandedly make comments and innuendos to get me to 'fess up. Which is a) really fucking irritating and b) none of their goddamned business.

Essentially, this article made me realize that although I have certain privileges that bisexual women and lesbians don't, everyone is affected by heterosexism: "the straight mind cannot conceive of a culture, a society where heterosexuality would not order not only all human relationships but also its very production of concepts and all the processes which escape consciousness."

I can only imagine what a clusterfuck of greatness would result in the end of heteronormativity.

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3 comments:

  1. Sam, I completely agree with you. I used to think that all heterosexual people had it easy, but now that I am done being stupid, I realize that's not the case.

    I feel like your sexuality shouldn't be anyone's business. This is only a little related, but have you ever wondered WHY social websites like Facebook have "sexual orientation" as one of the most important parts of your profile? Why does that have to be one of the first things I know about a new friend? I choose to keep mine hidden, but most people go ahead and assume my sexuality anyway.

    I guess it matters or something.

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  2. Yeah, Facebook puts people in awkward sexual orientation double-binds. I feel like there's some unspoken rule that when you don't show your sexual orientation, you're automatically lesbian, gay or bisexual. I have my sexual orientation up for that reason. And that kind of makes me feel like an ass, because in a way I'm subscribing to patriarchal bullshit. But on the other hand, if I don't, I'm opening the door for other people's assumptions about my sexuality which, as you've read, PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF. On a slightly related note, I took off my gender so as to not get ads telling me I'm FAT FAT FAT and need to lose weight. I feel like I totally owned the patriarchy, but the English nerd in me dies a little every time I become magically plural on my news feed ("Samantha has changed THEIR profile picture").

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  3. I took my gender off my profile a long time ago and I get this every time I log on:

    Which example applies to you?

    Right now your profile may be confusing. Please choose how we should refer to you.
    Please select either Male or Female
    __edited her profile.
    __edited his profile.


    I've started to wonder what really makes someone a man or a woman. I'm going to blog about that after I rant about Freud for a bit. Please read it.

    ReplyDelete