Sigh. Is what I feel like.
Tired.
Drained.
Listless.
I want so badly for things to change--for myself, for my friends, for the world. I imagine a world with freedom to and freedom from and it's so beautiful it almost hurts. Does. It does hurt, because I see all that is wrong and I see that there are structures in places, insurances and assurances that it will never change.
And I don't know how to live in that world. This world.
I don't know how to navigate between my privileges and oppressions, I don't know how to end structural violences, and I don't believe that changing myself will change the world.
Not anymore.
It was naive of me to think I would change the world--it is naive of me to think I can change the American healthcare system and attitudes towards it.
What hurts the most, I think, isn't the outside opposition--nameless, faceless conservative values voters. It's the people I love and respect, the ones I regard so highly and try to model myself after, that are complicit within a system not conducive to feminist and egalitarian values.
Radical in theory, liberal in practice--this is the mantra I have to live by if I'm to survive.
I wish, I wish, I wish it wasn't this way.
I wish for the same thing you do. I wish for a world where we celebrate the freedom of life and just let people live. I wish for a world where people can agree to disagree without trying to push agendas on others. I wish for a world where people can support one another, regardless of race, religion, gender, class, or any other defining factor. I wish for a world where people saw people as individuals, and not a member of a generalized group.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, that's not the world we live in.
I also wish there was a way to change it all right now. Unfortunately, there's not. However, we can change it. It just takes time. One has to bargain. One has to be liberal at times because it's the little battles that win a war. Each small step we take towards a more feminist, egalitarian world makes things a little better and a little easier. There are always people on the edge who will refuse to bargain and be against everything you are for. You can't listen to those people. They are the minority. You have to talk to those who are willing to listen and consider and work to reach a compromise that will work for both sides.
People fight against what we see as good because they are afraid. They're afraid of change. Change is fucking scary. They've lived their lives up until now believing what they believe and people going against those beliefs can be frightening. What if someone told you when you were little that you can't have Barbies anymore because they enforce an unattainable body image that could possibly cause you to develop low self-esteem or an eating disorder or depression. You'd be mad because you don't understand what they're talking about and you just want your Barbies. However, if they were to say you can have your Barbies, but you should also play with some of these other toys that are shown to promote healthy body images and high self-esteem, you might be more apt to comply. Maybe, over the years, you'll end up preferring the new toys to Barbies and play with those less.
It's the same with beliefs. You have to make a compromise that will show those who are afraid that maybe your beliefs aren't as scary as they thought. They might not end up believing exactly what you believe, but they might understand that both beliefs can exist at the same time cooperatively. A person can be pro-life and still support other women's right to choose. You just have to show the people who are afraid of letting that happen that it's okay. Sometimes that involves giving into their side a little, knowing that you have a good chance of eventually getting more of what you want later, once they have warmed up to the compromise. It's a basic game of give and take.
Big change comes from little changes growing over time. It's the ripple effect in a way.
(I apologize if none of this makes sense. It's 12am right now. Also, my verification word was "hatho" and I totally read it as "Hat ho.")