OH SNAP MOAR ADDERALL

It seems I will never learn
Because no matter how many times I have insomniatic freak-outs
Or embark upon Ambien-induced hallucinatory adventures
I KEEP TAKING ADDERALL AT INAPPROPRIATE TIMES
AND THEN I CAN'T SLEEP
AND THEN I GET PHILOSOPHICAL
AND BY PHILOSOPHICAL I MEAN I CLOG EVERYONE'S NEWS FEED WITH CAT PICTURES ON MY WALL

UGH

So anyways
Graduated college about a month ago
Barely
And now everyone is like WHACHU DOIN WID YO LYF
And I'm all
D% face
My friends are getting real person jobs, moving into apartments, progenerating, getting married
And I sit at home all day
In bed
With Hot Pockets
Watching 90s X-Men cartoon reruns
Pantsless

And I want so badly to get a job
To move to a city sans "REPEAL OBAMACARE SICKLE&HAMMERFACE :D" on the highway
To strike out
Make my way
Go the distance
Etc etc
But I have this thing that makes me crazypants
As all living fuck
And on any given day
Doctors think I have:
FIBROMYALGIA
ASPERGER'S
BIPOLAR
ADD
REGULAR DEPRESSION
ATYPICAL DEPRESSION
PTSD
ANXIETY
And I'm all
Seriously?
You can't pick just one?
This isn't fucking Jelly Belly
Where you can pick and choose different flavors of shit
(sidenote: some things should not exist in bean form, POPCORN AND JELLY ARE NONMIXEY THINGS)
I am one person
There can only be SO MANY things wrong
You know, I got really distracted by the Jelly Belly thing
I'm not sure why I included that
It struck me as funny
Though in retrospect it's probably not going to be
BUT CARRY ON

I am just not sure where I'm going
Or who I am sometimes
Cuz I was lookin' through old posts
And I was all
Shiiiiiiiiit
SELF, Y U SO CONTRADICTORY
Which I guess is a common thing for twenty-somethings
Though most probably don't think in meme form
LAMESAUCE
But it seems a hell of a lot of the twenty-somethings I know have moderately got their shit together
Living at home, probably, but more out of economic necessity than constant need to be around their nanimals
I am actually pretty sure I will never succeed in life because it would require me to be away from my cats for more than a week at a time
And if you're thinking to yourself
Well, maybe bring your cats with you?
I say
HERP A DERP
THEY ARE OLD
THEY CAN'T COPE WITH CHANGE
OR CAR RIDES

Dammit
I keep getting really sidetracked
I was going to write something meaningful
And instead I talked about Jelly Belly and cats
PER USUAL

I just wish I could get a job
Where the most important skill
Would be the ability to be socially awkward
Because let me tell you friends
I would
TAKE
THE
CAKE
And I would talk about nothing but cats, sandwiches, and loathing Nickelback ALL THE LIVELONG DAY
And probably Rick Astley too
Because WHY NOT

But until then
I will continue to write nonsensical posts
Because that seems to be the one thing I am good at in my life
Other than pantsless Hot Pocket eating
And badminton
So until then
CHEERIO