Thursday, July 23, 2009

Caffeine [and Brain] Farts

I've just begun the process of paper writing: ingesting nearly dangerous amounts of caffeine and popping my mom's nerve pills like Skittles. It didn't hit me until yesterday that we only have five weeks--FIVE WEEKS--until classes start up again. So, maybe I should finish up those incompletes, consisting of a five-to-six page paper (which I previously thought was four-to-five) and two 2-3 page take home essays. Seems fairly simple, but because I had missed so much class and got so far behind in the readings, I have had NO IDEA what to write about. I've finally gotten some inspiration for the five-to-six, but I (as usual) have no idea how to organize it. I feel like I'm at a point where I just need to sit down and get it DONE, regardless if it's my best work or not. My GPA this semester is quite unfortunate, but I suppose all I can really do is be an academic superstar this upcoming semester. Good thing I'm taking two junior seminars and a lab. Good.

Anyway, what's really been eating me up lately is the whole studying abroad thing. I'm thinking I'm going to post a Facebook note since that's more accessible for everyone to comment on, because I am in some serious need of life direction. While showering in the Wise Center, I came up with a list of pros and cons which I will now divulge to you:

Pros:
1) Finding myself; I normally define myself by other people
2) Being independent; I am way too clingy
3) Being in England in general
4) Assimilating myself in a different culture FTW
5) Learning to really appreciate the people back home that I take for granted
6) Care packages
7) ADPi mail
8) Being able to apply my experience successfully to the rest of my life
9) Learning to appreciate American cuisine
10) Accents
11) Applying CHEL knowledge and attempting nonsubjectivity in regards to the preservation of standard English
12) Making family proud (only Stanko/Allessie to leave country for educational purposes)
13) Bragging rights; while this may be a less-than-fantastic reason to uproot everything I've ever known for five months, I want to prove that I am good enough and smart enough to do such a thing. Wanna PWN the haters.
14) Pictures! Who doesn't love pictures!
15) Chance to prove to myself that I am capable of just about anything.

Cons:
1) Away from comfort zone. Extreme anxiety.
2) Away from Sarah and Becky. How will they get anywhere?
3) London. Will she forget that I'm her momma?
4) Muffin (and Stormy by default). She's old, what if she thinks I abandoned her?
5) My humor is largely pop culture based (Disney, Family Guy, 90s songs). Will I still be funny in England?
6) ADPi. I kind of sorority girl failed last semester, and I want to get more involved now. I don't know how much I'd be able to do with the course load I have this semester, and I almost certainly won't be able to hold a position. Also, my Big graduates and I don't wanna miss that or my Little getting a Little and me being a Grandbig.
7) Nanimals in general. I seriously can't function without some form of pet therapy. Will Lancaster professors be cool with me taking their pomeranians into my dorm or staying in their office til ass o'clock because I can't handle being away from my own cats and dog?
8) Death. Everyone in my family is old and they all seem to have a penchant for getting into automobile accidents.
9) Women's History Month. God help me if they bring Jennifer Baumgardner or someone equally cool to speak and I'm not there. I will pitch a bitchfit.
10) All my dear ones being so far away. This is sad face in general.
11) Kraft macaroni and cheese. If they don't have it there, that's a deal breaker.
12) The weather. I'm a very weather/mood oriented person, and lack of sunlight does take a toll on my mental health. Add to that the fact that I'm on a different continent? Yikes.
13) Not having people who understand my social awkwardness or overcaffeinated, sleep-deprived antics. I think it's rare to find people who genuinely find these traits endearing, and I'm worried I won't find that. I'd feel so alone.

Alrighty...guess I should work on that paper, considering that I won't even have to make a decision if I don't get my GPA up to an acceptable Lancaster standard.

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