Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Don't Try Suicide

I guess I should preface this by saying that I'm not suicidal. That being said, I started writing a suicide note last night.

Re: not suicidal.

I began writing it on the premise that if I die, I want everyone to know what they mean to me. As I am infinitely more articulate on paper than in real life, I felt that writing out my feelings and thoughts would be far more effective than actually discussing what people mean to me to their faces. And I guess that's a cop out in a way, because I don't like communicating my feelings to people in person--writing is a way of keeping a safe emotional distance, lest my feelings be rejected or unreciprocated.

While I'm not going to post any specifics of my note (which is conveniently located in my journal, so that I can look back on it in a few years, or so someone else can read it and get an upcloseandpersonal glance into my thoughts, because I'm narcissitic), I will state that it's very much written from the heart--in verbose, flowery-but-snarky, emotionally-charged prose. And honestly, I don't think I've been prouder (dictionary.com FTW) of anything I've written before because I specifically didn't write it to show it to anyone but myself. At least not yet (re: narcissism). I mean yes, I'm blogging about how I wrote it, but the fact that I spent two highly overcaffeinated hours word vomiting my inner most thoughts with an appropriately red gel pen by myself, with my own thoughts, is very romantic (thanks, Katrina).

I realize that suicide note writing may not be for everyone, and that I may be slightly psychologically disturbed to think this is a fantastic idea, but I'd highly suggest writing one--even if you'd prefer to write it under the premise of a will rather than suicide note [cop-out].

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1 comment:

  1. Sam, this is a wonderful idea! I want to try suicide-note-writing right away! It's also a great prompt for a fiction writing class. You should tell Nesset!

    Ugh, sometimes using too many exclamation marks on the interwebs looks sarcastic but I'm seriously excited here. I love this post and your recent soul-diving with a gel pen.

    Also, I value your "writing is a way of keeping a safe emotional distance" paragraph. You know when you're reading a book and your favorite character says something that just reiterates why they're your favorite? Like, you'll agree to what they say so much, or relate to it so much that you get extremely happy that someone out there figured out why you're the way you are because they figured out why they're the way they are? WOW, VERBOSE. Anyway, it's that kind of value.

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